Girl Friday

Livin' in Yuppie Paradise...

We moved to Tempe from the Coronado neighborhood in Phoenix about a month and a half ago. Since then, Gypsy and I have been working through the dynamics of a mixed transgender relationship and all that entails. Take two people with a past who have a child together, have one partner gender switch more often than the operating system of the Hubble telescope's telemetry program sends positioning signals, cloud the issue with the other partner alternating between retreating to the safe mode of being a good little Ohio girl and not sure whether she's a bull or an FTM and you get the picture. It's fun, or as Gypsy likes to say, "Secretly we've exchanged Gypsy with a carnival ride. Let's see if Jane notices." The reality? More and more it is Gypsy noticing that I've been secretly exchanged with a carnival ride. Now to all that, add in not being able to keep my girl in hormones, so now it's back to female menopause and male puberty all over again for her, soon to be followed by female puberty and male menopause. Sound fun? You haven't really had a relationship till you've had one like ours, lol. It's two, two, no three, no four, no...Oh WTF, we lost count how many personalities and characters are involved. We gave up trying to figure out whether one or both or all of us have MPD, or we're just GQ as hell.

While brainstorming the solution for the hormone access issue, Gypsy asked me outright, if Gypsy and Rakli had separate bodies, instead of both of them being in one body (no, they are not Siamese twins...that would be too fucking easy for us...we have to have multiple people in one body, with multiple genders and orientations) and I could only be with one or the other, would I choose Gypsy or Rakli. The explanation? Gypsy is my beloved friend, the father of my youngest daughter, and the man I wished for years that I could see again. I love having and holding him, the closeness, the silliness, but when it all comes down to it, he's a friend. Rakli is my lover, my fantasy, my inspiration. How do you tell someone that when they are both of those people at the same time? But that is typical of our relationship. Complex doesn't begin to cover it.

Why am I talking about this? Shouldn't I keep this to myself and pretend that I'm just like all the other good little Ohio girls? No. Somewhere out there, someone just like me is trying to figure out who and what they are. Hopefully when they read this, it will help them feel just a little less alone. There are no roadmaps for transgendered relationships, especially ones where the partners actually have a history together.The books that are supposed to be helpful and supportive only serve to drive home the isolation of loving someone who is trans, and trying to figure out where you are yourself on the straight to bi to homo to trans continuum. And yes folks, sexual orientation and gender are separate things. You can be trans and straight, trans and bi, and trans and homo. Colliding with the reality of who you are while trying to work through reviving a past relationship is a hell of a challenge, and I defy anyone to make it work without a lot of frsutration, pain, alienation, and wishful thinking.

Remember, Thou Art Mortal...

Had a scare today. Gypsy had chest pains at the grocery store but would not sit down or go to the ER. It scared us both and made him rethink the whole bit about taking hormones. For today, he's decided not to take them any more and to go back to being male full time. I'll miss Rakli, but I would much rather have Gypsy alive and well than being a heart attack away from losing them both. It didn't make the day any easier when he started telling me what to do with his jewelry, swords, and tools. I have already got Laura's father in the ground, and went crazy enough with grief over that. I don't want to think about life without Gypsy. He's been very affectionate today. I love it but not the reason that has prompted it all. He also got Jordy's daggers polished and ready to mail, recut a knife he made from an old jackhammer bit, and polished the throwing axe he's giving Joe.

The plan is still to save up for a van that we can fix up and run all over the country going to gun and knife shows and ren faires selling his jewelry, swords and knives. We are doing okay so far this month. This week's article money will stay in the bank toward the van. I am proud of the fact that we paid our rent and groceries with the money I earned from writing articles.

Woman at Work...

I am pretty darned proud of the fact that I am currently living on the income I make from writing short articles. That's thanks to not having a car payment or needing to pay car insurance, and thanks to a really low rent payment for the room we rented from Gypsy's apprentice, Elliott. It is also due to the fact that Tempe is progressive enough to have a circulating bus system that runs in several continous loops,allowing people to reach any part of Tempe within 15 minutes to half an hour. the best part is, it's free. Just flag it down as you see it going by.

I am also proud of how fit I have become since arriving in Arizona. All the walking and biking have trimmed me down by ten pounds and six inches around my waist. I am almost into a size 16 again, and will have to go shopping for smaller clothes soon.

Moved in...

All moved in now and I have met and survived the Hounds of Lucifer. They are actually great big over sized kids. Mastiffs are daunting when you first meet them, but I already knew how to handle myself around large aggressive dogs from years with Rocky, Rudy and Leben, my sister's Labradors. Rocky was from before they started breeding Labs down to fit in Yuppie apartments and could give Nemesis a run for his money. Nem is a good boy, wouldn't hurt a fly intentionally, but dumb as a box of hammer handles. Moira is very laid back.